12 Couples Questions to Get Closer

We want quick fixes, everything now, and to shed emotional baggage in an afternoon. We'd rather cheat than work hard.

You're asking what makes your partner feel vulnerable. Vulnerability tells your partner it's okay and can deepen your relationship.

1. "What do you find hardest to express? How can I help?"

Ian and I both love to be touched (most of the time anyway). So ask your partner if they want to hold hands when you're out, if they'd enjoy a shoulder rub, or a gentle pat on your bottom when you're with company.

2. "Would you like more touch?"

You may not be ready for the answer, but it's good to know. I've done this before and it was difficult at first because I wanted to defend myself.

"Have I offended you?"

Never assume your partner wants tea and to hear about your day when he comes home.Ian likes to tell me about his day when he comes home, so I take 15 minutes to listen, not to fix or judge, but to hear about it.

5. "What will make coming home better?"

Ian usually tells me, "No, there's nothing you can do; it's out of your league."Once we start talking, he sees the situation differently and suggests something I can do to reduce stress.

What's stressing you out? Can I help?

I've struggled with this question in the past because I didn't like the answer: "I'd rather have some time to myself this week because space helps me clarify."

Would you like more alone or together time this week?

Consider this. "I don't want to bring up those bad feelings again" is probably your first thought. If you leave resentment, it festers, grows, and resurfaces when another trigger occurs.

8. "Have I had a weeklong argument?"

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